One of the trials of my moving to California from Massachusetts that I didn’t envision and that no one warned me about was the loss of humor for a while. If you move to a place where you know no one, then you cannot joke. It is as simple and ugly as that.

If I were to attend a comedy club in Iceland where all the comics were Icelandic, I would undoubtedly miss all the really good jokes(This is even if the comics were speaking English which is the only language I understand- and why would a rocking club in Reykjavik have English speaking comics when the audience would be speaking Icelandic?). I don’t know any Icelandic history ( think all the George Washington, Abe Lincoln, George Bush jokes you’ve heard), I’m not proud of this. I know nothing about Icelandic eating habits, (think all the American fusion diet jokes, the as American as Apple Pie jokes). I know no Icelandic authors (even though I hear that they have some good mystery authors( Arnaldur Indriðason -Reykjavik Murder Mysteries 1. Jar City (2004) aka Tainted Blood 2. Silence of the Grave (2005) 3. Voices (2006) 4. The Draining Lake (2007) 5. Arctic Chill (2008) 6. Hypothermia (2009) and Yrsa Sigurðardóttir Last Rituals ( 2005) and My Soul to Take: A Novel of Iceland(2007)).

Think of some stupid joke; a duck walks into a bar. The bartender hands him a drink ( the newest Pomegranate margarita or mojito) and says; “That’s $25.97. How do you want to pay for that? The duck says; “same as always put it on my bill.”

Ok to understand that award winning joke, you have to know some cultural context. You need to know what a duck is, why it is unusual for a duck to walk into a bar, what a bar is, who the bartender is ( and all the bartender jokes) and then you have to understand why the punch line has a double meaning.

Ok, back to me coming to California. All the attempts at humor were in English. But I didn’t know any Californian geography( or distances between towns or cities), history, notables(Herb Caen, the twins), reputations(Why would anyone voluntarily go to Fresno?), institutions( Thrifty Jr., Albertsons, Wells Fargo, Bank of America, Candlestick, the maze, Telegraph, the Haight, Stern Grove, The Greek Theatre.

One kind of humor is repetitive. If I say something like Excusssse Meee (think Steve Martin in the 80s), if I say it repeatedly, in every conversation, eventually it might become funny. It might not, it might become tedious boring and really annoying. If I tell a weird story where something doesn’t make sense but the rest of the story is absolutely normal, that might be funny ( Think Monty Python re dead Parrot or the Council of the Funny Walk). If I tell a story and something truly unexpected happens that might be funny. There are lots of different kinds of humor but a lot of it depends of some shared assumptions. If you are new to a place, a culture, a group of people, you have to be careful of your assumptions and many times you should not assume that others share them.

In the early days here in California, I was struck again and again by saying things I thought were perfectly normal and having people stare at me and say after a polite pause, “What?” Clearly what I had said to them had not been understood as I meant it, let alone as a humorous remark. I would then retreat and answer politely, and go another day without exchanging any humor with anyone. It was fascinating to watch when I would risk another humorous try. I always considered it a mark of true friendship when I knew someone well enough not to have to think before joking. I also found there were definitely times when I would be taken aback when someone would actually joke with me out of the blue. Be it at the grocery store, or in line at the bank (when one still stood in line at the bank).

I have lived in other parts of the world where language divided me from people and the ability to joke, but this move was the first time I was aware of being denied humor simply because I did not know people well enough to joke with them.

It was also a lesson for me in that I do not want to live long without some humorous interaction. I might have to but I always prefer a little humor…